Long-Distance Maid of Honor?

Q. A friend who lives across the country asked me to be her maid of honor. I said yes, but now I'm worried about performing my duties from so far away. I'm also concerned about the expense of traveling back and forth. Do you have any suggestions?

A. Don't worry: Most maid of honor tasks are completed the day before and the day of the wedding. These include holding the rings and bouquet during the ceremony, witnessing the signing of the marriage certificate, helping the bride gather guests during the reception (for cake cutting, pictures, the bouquet toss), and seeing that the gown is properly taken care of at the end of the celebration. So, when making your travel arrangements, try to arrive a day or so before the event—and leave a day or two after—to allow enough time for these and any other small jobs that may come up.

As far as your responsibilities leading up to the wedding, nowadays a maid of honor can provide plenty of assistance from afar quite easily. Bridesmaids gowns can be viewed online; bridal party correspondence, including planning a luncheon or shower, can occur over e-mail; and invitations can be shipped directly to you to be addressed. Still, if there are tasks that require travel, simply let your friend know about your limitations. She can prepare accordingly and seek help from bridesmaids who are closer. Remember: Your friend chose you to be her maid of honor because she wants you beside her on her big day, not because she's looking for a personal assistant!

More Etiquette Q&A

Have an etiquette question you'd like answered? Email us at weddings@instylemag.com.

Peggy Post