Writing Our Own Vows?

Q. My betrothed and I plan to write our own vows. Are there any guidelines as to what we should and shouldn't say?

A. When it comes to penning marriage oaths, there are no hard and fast rules, generally. Your public promises are the expression of your personal commitment to each other, so make sure they express who you are and your beliefs and sensibilities. In other words, choose what you'll say carefully. Intimacy is fine—as long as your sentiments aren't so private they make guests feel uncomfortable. And it's best to keep your speeches brief; simplicity and conciseness can be far more eloquent than overblown metaphors.

For further guidance you may also want to speak with your officiant, who can advise you according to personal experience and, when applicable, religious ritual. Some faiths require that certain promises be made, although many accept variations on traditional phrasing. If you and your fiancé's cultures or religious backgrounds differ, wording that commits you to honoring both sets of beliefs may be particularly gratifying. Once you're both happy with your draft, meet with your officiant a second time to review it together. Or if you're writing separate vows that you'd like to keep secret until your big day, you can individually meet with him or her for feedback.

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Peggy Post