Impolite to Elope?

Q. My fiancé and I would like to get married quietly in Italy—just the two of us—then have a big party back home afterward. Is there any reason this would be impolite to our family and friends? If not, how soon after the ceremony should we have the reception? And may I wear my wedding dress?

A. First, carefully think through your plans. While a "just the two of us" ceremony seems like a wildly romantic notion, it might unintentionally hurt those you care about most. Your parents and siblings, for example, will surely want to witness your special day—and are probably more than happy to spring for airfare to Italy. But if you're absolutely sure there will be no bruised feelings among your loved ones—or if your heart is set on eloping—you can share your happiness later with a reception hosted by you, your parents or your friends a few weeks after the marriage. You may include any or all of the elements of a traditional reception: Have a cake, and feel free to wear your wedding dress again, if you wish. But be forewarned that you shouldn't expect gifts: They aren't obligatory at this kind of party. If guests bring presents anyway, open them after the event and be sure to write thank-you notes.

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Peggy Post