Family Tension?

Etiquette expert Peggy Post gives advice on handling your trickiest wedding dilemmas.

Q. My fiance's siblings deeply dislike their mother's boyfriend. If he's invited, they don't want him seated anywhere near them. And my fiancé's mother won't come if her boyfriend isn't invited. What should we do to smooth this over?

A. Encourage your fiance to talk with his mother and siblings separately to work out a solution. The etiquette of seating at ceremonies is the following: If the mother of the groom and her significant other are not in a long-term relationship, the significant other is often seated away from her, back with other guests on the groom's side. Your fiancé may have to make a painful choice if that solution is not acceptable to his mother: Would he rather have his mother or his siblings at the wedding? If he decides to include his mother's boyfriend, your fiancé should have a second talk, this time with his siblings. He could say, "You all know about Mom's feelings for Frank. I think he should be invited to the wedding, and I hope you can accept my decision—I believe it's the best choice." If he decides it's better not to invite his mother's boyfriend, he'll need to break the news to her respectfully and encourage her to attend anyway. Your fiance may also wish to seek guidance from a clergyperson or counselor.

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