Offering to Pay?

Etiquette expert Peggy Post gives advice on handling your trickiest wedding dilemmas

Q. I have a friend whom I'd really like to be one of my bridesmaids. We've never discussed her finances, but I strongly suspect that she won't be able to afford all the costs involved. I'd be happy to buy her dress and shoes, although I'm not sure how to bring this up without offending her. Also, is it appropriate to pay for one bridesmaid's attire but not for the others'?

A. Being a bridesmaid is expensive—each pays for her wedding ensemble, plus gifts and travel expenses (though the bride usually takes care of local accommodations). That said, there's no reason not to include a friend who doesn't have the resources to cover everything. Feel things out, and tactfully and discreetly offer assistance if it seems needed. (It's fine to do this for only one bridesmaid—but do keep the arrangement confidential.) If she turns down your offer, be understanding and don't express offense or disapproval. Whether she accepts your generosity or not, the main thing is not to jeopardize the friendship.

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